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Helping Moms Involve Dads

As responsible fatherhood programs successfully increase fathers’ motivation to become more involved, responsible, and committed in their children’s lives, one challenge has become increasingly apparent: how can program staff help mothers support father involvement?

There is no simple answer to this challenge, particularly when the co-parenting relationship is strained or emotionally charged.

Progress begins with helping both parents understand that healthy co-parenting improves children's well-being — and helping mothers recognize the significant influence they have over a father’s motivation to stay involved.  Research shows that when mothers perceive their co-parents as motivated and competent to engage in childcare responsibilities, fathers tend to be more actively involved with their children. (Editor's note: Add specific study citation here to strengthen credibility.)

Here are 6 strategies to help program staff support father involvement by engaging mothers:

  1. Encourage the healthy development of the father-mother relationship among clients, whether or not the father and mother are in a romantic relationship. This includes facilitating respectful communication, shared parenting goals, and mutual recognition of each parent's role.
  2. Work with mothers to involve fathers in their children's lives. NFI offers several Tip Cards for Moms that can help moms understand how to better communicate with dad, better co-parent with dad, and how to involve dads so that he can be more present in his children's lives.
  3. Assess situations when the mother does not want the father involved and help both the mother and the father resolve differences with the best interest of the child in mind. The guiding principle here is child-centered decision-making: prioritizing what is best for children's health and happiness over the personal conflict between parents.
  4. Encourage mothers to cooperate with fathers in raising children and vice versa, unless domestic violence or child abuse by either parent has been substantiated. In those cases, follow your program's safety protocols and refer families to appropriate support services.
  5. Develop outreach and marketing plans that engage mothers as partners in encouraging father involvement. For example, if you have specific programs for moms, consider offering a fatherhood workshop such as 24/7 Dad® Key Behaviors Workshop and ask the moms you serve to invite the fathers of their children to attend the workshop.
  6. Offer group-based programs that help mothers:
    (a) understand how maternal gatekeeping — the conscious or unconscious limiting of a father's access to and involvement with his children — can affect child well-being; (b) reflect on how their own relationship with their father may shape their co-parenting dynamic; and (c) build effective communication skills with their child's father. NFI's Understanding Dad™ program is specifically designed to address all three areas. Awareness of potential gatekeeping, how their relationship with their own father affects the relationship with the father of their children, and how to communicate effectively with their child’s dad such as Understanding Dad™.  

Remember: Fatherhood exists within a broader support system that includes the mother, extended family members, and the wider community.  Even when a father has the ability and desire to be actively involved, his success will depend on the degree to which the people around him — especially the mother — support him in that goal.